Setting off on this journey guided by the light that the title of this book has to offer, has brought much needed clarity to some shadowy corners of the learning experience that is parenting.
The questions “why me?” and “why this?” are to be urgently explored as parents face their biggest challenges in life unknowingly treading as teachers through their own schooling time. Learning to be the grown up, to set up rules and enforce them, to think ahead and plan for the child’s well being, to filter and to provide the child with the tools he or she will need in life to succeed. These are all skills parents learn on the go. But, where is everyone going in such a hurry?Read More
Just like any job, raising a child comes with a list of requirements. It is probably the longest list of all, since it entails full responsibility for a human being’s life.
Broken down into seven broad but driving categories, parents can visualize and assess how to put their powers to work everyday. Learning to create positive effects in the child’s character, habits, self-discipline, self-esteem and view of the world they inhabit.Read More
Why would you start a book with “patience”? Can we get any more boring than that? But this passive action holds the key to making good decisions and is the essential ingredient for the next six requirements.
Imagine “patience” as the force to draw from to feed sensitivity, attention, communication, motivation, consistency and even courage. From caring to creative thinking, patience is at the root of all that is positive and good. While lack of patience is a quick creator of negative, violent, frustrating or even evil situations.
Patience brings balance and harmony. It allows us time to think before we react. It may buy us enough time to find our original reactions absurd, petty or egotistical, typical go-to reactions from our ego’s defense mechanism.
By being patient with ourselves, by allowing ourselves the time we need to get things done, by not demanding more of ourselves than what we can achieve, by avoiding comparisons to others or impossible ideals, we build our own self-esteem while we learn to exercise that same patience with others.Read More
Sensitivity builds trust and reinforces bonding. When children feel understood and respected they feel confident with who they are. Awareness of their limitations will put you more in tune with theirpersonalities and help you find the best way to communicate with them.
While curbing your children’s behavior through a reward and loss of privilege system, reason and emotion should be your main concerns. Anytime the child misbehaves, there will be a logical reason why and the fueling truth of emotion behind it. Both reason and emotion should be discerned in order to fully address each situation.
Knowing what affects your child even in common circumstances such as feeling tired or cranky will help you better deal with the situation. Most children get cranky when tired and it is a parent’s job to make sure children get the sleep they need. Finding a way to get the child to sleep would be the sensitive solution; expecting the child to behave would be asking for more than the child is prepared to endure.Read More
Like the warmth of the sun, think of attention as the nurturing energy radiating from your eyes. Now think of your emotions as the frequency selector. Some stations are harmonious, raising spirits. Others exude negativity and limitations. Before you pay, give, or focus your attention on your child, your spouse or anyone, even yourself, check the station you’re tuned into.
If you don’t like what you feel or hear in your head, chances are neither will anyone else. Change the channel. Gain control of your frequency. Don’t allow every piece of media, angry driver or stressed boss pick emotions for you. Play some classical music, get some fresh air, hug a tree, whatever centers you and turns you to a positive channel. Tune yourself and your attention will be good for you and beneficial to everyone around you.Read More
Patience, sensitivity and attention become a two way street in communication. From “what” to say to “how” to listen, communication is the lifeline of the family unit. A family that communicates well builds healthy, solid bonds that provide children the safety they need to develop self-confidence. Avoiding judgments and taboos creates a trusting environment, which allows children to openly discuss their feelings and ask questions freely.Read More
Have you ever heard of people who can’t find a reason to wake up in the morning? That is a serious sign of depression or serious lack of motivation. As our interests in life change, so do our motivations. But every action begins with an incentive and a motivation to do it.
Giving children everything leaves them wanting nothing. Allowing children to work for what they want, gives them incentive, motivation and the satisfaction of accomplishment, while reinforcing their self-esteem and self-confidence.
While parents’ motivations tend to be long term, such as picking a preschool already thinking of college, children can’t think that far ahead. Their future is relative to their life story. Five year olds cannot think fifteen years into the future, nor do they know what college is.Read More
Consistency equals stability and is a key and defining factor for the solid structure children seek. Imagine that structure as an invisible house. If you tell the child that the door is here and the window is there, and where the walls are, the child can imagine the invisible house and play along. The clearer you make that invisible house, the easier it will be for children to adjust to it and find their place within it. If you start changing the position of the walls, the door and the window, children will not be able to keep re-imagining the house to follow the changing parameters and, eventually, the house will crumble.Read More
Lying dormant amongst patience and confidence, courage dreams of waking up. Courage wants to prove itself. Courage wants to let us know who we are. In making its presence known when overcoming challenges, downfalls, fears and limitations, courage propels us.
In quiet non-action, courage speaks its loudest words. In letting go of rituals to let children learn them, in encouraging independence to make children self-reliant, in giving respect, space or privacy, courage soars. In so many aspects and in so many ways, courage comes in to move us forward and get us past our fearful or selfish wishes and choices.Read More
Beliefs and attitudes towards raising a child make up a parenting style. How high parents’ expectations are, how responsive and nurturing parents are, how much freedom children are allowed, define a style. Since a parenting style is not something we choose, but a result of our own awareness, our own history, capacity and values, distinguishing your own style will help improve your parenting. To quickly assess each parenting style we have rated them based on the four simple descriptors mentioned.Read More
Mostly described as indulgent and non-directive, this parenting style may be a choice for people who grew up without structure and limits themselves. Others that may fall right into this parenting style are children of authoritarian parenting, who try to compensate for what they deem as their parents’ failures by not setting limits nor behavioral expectations and indulging their children’s every whim.Read More
Encouraging good behavior is the proven and most positive approach to behavior management. Behavioral issues can come up as a result of many different factors; dealing with them under a positive, instructive and constructive light will help in the child’s development, stimulate his reasoning ability and grow his self-esteem.Read More
The first form of communication with children is listening to them. It starts with crying for food, a diaper or sleep. Listening to your children’s needs and trying to understand their cries for help, should never stop. Once the child learns to speak, parents tend to forget that children are still mostly incapable of communicating properly, especially about ethereal and non-physical matters, such as feelings.Read More
Authoritative Parenting, a very different style from Authoritarian Parenting, is a delicate balance of discipline and nurturing with high expectations that earn trust and freedom. A good recipe for independent, well-balanced children with a strong self-image and little trouble adjusting to new or demanding situations.Read More
Usually culturally passed on, Authoritarian Parenting is the style of choice for children of toxic parenting. Phrases such as “Because I told you so” are a product of this parenting style. This attitude expects children to adhere to rules without understanding them, usually driven by fear. The only thing children are learning is to respect authority and follow orders. These children’s minds are not being nurtured. Without information nor the education on decision-making, these children are not learning to use critical thinking. Their frontal lobes are not being trained and this will only prepare them to look for figures of authority to make decisions for them.Read More
The most popular parenting style in recent years, brought to us by the billion dollar pharmaceutical industry, is what we’re calling “Pharma Parenting”. By far, the most damaging to children, their families and society.
The use of psychoactive drugs that change the structure and behavior of neurons in children, whose brains are still developing, is a product of societies’ lazy attitude towards health. Instead of eating right and working towards a healthy mind and body, people expect their problems to be solved by someone else with a “magic pill”.Read More
In the age of information, where children pick up an iPad at the age of two, parents need to update to what we have recently coined as Wiki Parenting.
Wiki Parenting combines Positive Parenting and Active Listening; focusing on turning parents into the main source of information for their children, Wiki Parenting is about being the child’s trustworthy guide in the discovery of this brand new world. To achieve this, parents must bond with their children in order to build a trusting relationship.Read More
Misbehavior is the last judgment to a trail of events. Children should be considered innocent until proven guilty. Actual intentions need to be discovered and feelings unearthed to dig out the true causes for behavior for a fair judgment to be made.Read More
Everything we eat affects the chemistry of our bodies. To a certain degree, most of what we eat is toxic. It is how our bodies deal with those toxins, that determines whether we can eat it or not. Some of the effects of those toxins and our bodies’ own reactions to them, can manifest as skin rashes, inflammation, digestion problems or a low immune system, and some can lead to long term health problems.Read More